I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
