All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize