apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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