Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I currently don't understand fingers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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