tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
