K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
