So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize