Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
