Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
