Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
