More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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