Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
