broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
