also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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