When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
