He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize