Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
