you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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