guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
