Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
