I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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