no, he came in my armpit
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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