you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
