I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
