I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
