She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
