I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
