so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
