so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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