i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize