People in love make me want to vomit
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will be naked everywhere
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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