I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
