Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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