My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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