He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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