my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
