I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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