Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
