like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize