I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
