Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
