Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
