You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
