I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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