I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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