don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
