I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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