epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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