What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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