Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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