The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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