Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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