he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
