hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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