There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
