I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize