i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
