I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
