i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
