if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am puke
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
