It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
