i just wanna soil my oats bro
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
