I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
