At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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