kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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