and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
