FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
