If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize