She announced her abortion via fbk
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
