That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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