which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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