You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
