i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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