The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
