remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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