Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
