just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
