if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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