you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
