I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
